this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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