I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Where is the hickey?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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