I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
