new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
