i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
