just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
