Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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