that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
