His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize