whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Your dad touched me again.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
