my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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