Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
