I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
