if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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