I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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