Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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