I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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