So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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