A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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