think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
