watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
