we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
