Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
