yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
