Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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