i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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