Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
