Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
