did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
one might say we're banned from that church
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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