I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize