I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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