Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
