It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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