I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
