the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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