If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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