I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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