what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
