I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize