i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
