so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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