Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
