we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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