i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
