whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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