Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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