Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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