screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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