Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
