I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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