I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
