you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
