Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
