Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
