Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
