You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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