The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
