Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
