Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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