I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
