dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize