Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
