yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
