I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize