3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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