Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
