I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
