We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize