Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
