i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
