WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
