How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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