i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
