Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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