this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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