Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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