she was so not down for the gang bang
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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